ThePoke.co.uk Excuses Set

Thepoke.co.uk gives us this special edition of really believable excuses for those of us who like to take our time and do our own thing;)

Goodbyes

Busy
- I'm sorry - I'm so busy I don't even have the time to fini-
- I'm so busy I've had to rent a second brain, but they failed to clean it properly at the brain rental place so there are disgusting residual childhood memories still in there.
- I'm so preoccupied that when I was getting ready this morning I flossed my armpits, took a shit in the bath, microwaved some cat food and then poured my coffee into the bin.
Can't go
- I would like to come. The spirit is willing but, alas, the mind, the body, the molecular structure, the general attitude - all of those guys really don't give a shit.
- I would like to come but there seems to be a slight tear in the fabric of reality towards the back of my fridge which I really must deal with.
- I would like to come. The spirit is willing but, alas, the mind, the body, the molecular structure, the general attitude - all of those guys really don't give a shit.
In a cave
- I can't leave the house. My fingers have got stuck in the keyboao138399a9a998d98ndjonvnuos
Meeting
- Totally forgot about our meeting.
- Aliens abducted me. First they wiped the memory of our meeting, then they wiped my asshole, which was strange as this time they did not use the anal probe. They just gave me some snacks.
- I was going to feed you some excuse about forgetting our meeting but frankly you're too fat to be fed anything.
Not now
- Not a good time. My brother's just come back from prison again and mom is really flipping out about the facial tattoo he's had of her face on his face.
- Not a good time. Lady Gaga has just popped round to borrow some clothes.
- Not a good time. DEAD HOOKER ALERT. DEAD HOOKER ALERT. I might need to borrow an old carpet and some cleaning materials.
OMG bday
- I forgot your birthday on purpose because I want you to feel younger.
- I am sorry I forgot your birthday but when you spend as much time as I do recalibrating spacetime it is hardly my fault.
Sick
- I've got a fucking horrendous cold.
- I've been sneezing so hard my nose just came off in my hands.
- I'm so ill I look like the kid off The Exorcist.
Traffic
- Traffic is a BITCH!
- Once again the CIA have erected roadblocks to prevent me from completing my mission.
- Steven Hawkins just cut me up with his motorized scooter so I gave him the finger and now he has parked in front of me and wants to fight.